Flooding

Lately I've become so frustrated with my anxiety. I just want it all gone. I feel like it's starting to take over my life and I just want to be able to live my life to the fullest again. I have allergies, but that doesn't mean I should NOT be afraid to eat fruits and nuts just because they're related to my insane pollen, ragweed or tree allergy. I should not have a panic attack thinking about the hypothetical situation of what would happen to me if my parents and boyfriend all decided to leave NY for one weekend. I should not run away just because my sister is loud and attracts attention. 

I confronted my therapist about this. How do I face my fears? How do I conquer these anxiety mountains? The answer I got? Flooding. 

Flooding is a form of behavior therapy based on the principles of respondent conditioning. It is sometimes referred to as exposure therapy with the goal of reintegrating repressed emotions with current awareness. 

Flooding should not be done alone. You should always have someone there who can be your personal little cheerleader and supporter. It's your safety net.

Ugh, that was not the answer I wanted to hear! Face my fears? Actually sit there and eat a banana and not freak out?! The idea seems simple. But it's far from that. I have yet to try this. I still don't know if I'm making either excuses or accommodations for my anxiety, but I'm waiting for the winter (when all the pollen is gone) to try fruits, peanut butter, and avocados again. The hardest part about this flooding process is that those three food/ food groups used to be the main staple of my diet. I can't put into words the complicated relationship that a person can develop with food. But I'm done with it. Food is nourishment, it's life, it's pleasure and most importantly a necessity to be alive.

My boyfriend told me something the other night from a movie we never watched that hit home:

Danger is real but fear is a choice. 

So what will you choose today?