So I went to therapy yesterday in a terrible mood. It was one of those days where I really did not want to go. Usually I'm in a peppy mood when I go to therapy because the bad incidents happened earlier in the week. But it was happening right then and there and I'm so happy looking in hindsight that I was able to go through it during my session.
When we're having a bad episode we sometimes forget our tools. I certainly did. My therapist reminded me though of what they are and a new one too.
I really struggle to identify my feelings. My body's defense mechanism is that I have no feelings. It shoves them away and buries them deep so when I explode, I level out cities. My recovery goals are to become more self-aware so that when these breakdowns or anxiety attacks happen I can handle them better.
Being self aware for me is hard evaluate I've never practiced it. For example, yesterday I knew something was wrong but I had no idea how I felt. I didn't know if I was angry or sad or frustrated. I just had this crushing feeling of not being happy. My new tool is this picture:
This is going to help me identify how I feel at that exact moment and then immerse myself in that feeling. Feelings demand to be felt and when you don't feel them or do more than feel them (become the feeling) things can get bad. You are not angry, you feel angry. Feel the emotion then let it pass through and you're emotional palette will come out clean and thankful.
Sunny day
Sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet
- Joe Raposo
No comments:
Post a Comment